Well, today is the last day of November, and a full SEVEN months after I wrote the first entry. My first thought was, "Who the hell is gonna read this stuff?" My second thought was, "Who the hell is gonna read this stuff?" My third thought was, "Wow you really need to proofread better before you post stuff for the world and God to read". My fourth thought was, "Silly, God doesn't read blogs!"
We are pregnant again. Yep. Again. Yes, that means that for a little less than one month I will have a three year old, a one year old, and a newborn. And, it is another little girl. We are some baby girl making machines. There are three people to blame: 1. My husband 'cause he is hot which means that even though we already have full time jobs and two energy sucking little bug-a-boos I still like to make time for... ahem, Him. 2. The Birth Control (wont mention names here) company because not only do they apparently produce a birth control that results in class action lawsuits for causing some health problems, they produce a birth control that is less than reliable. Yes, I was on BC (um, did I mention the ages of my children?). No, I was not on antibiotics. No, I did not miss a day. I took them each night, at the same time like a good girl. Yes, I realize the birth control making company isn't technically a person, but it is made up of people so that is good enough. 3. God. And if God wants her to be in this world then I guess neither my husband, the bc company, nor I could stop it. And that is also good enough. I realize that, like the bc company, God is also not a person, but is sort of person-like. Again, good enough.
What this means is life at the Bayne household is about to get Real interesting. More of everything. More laundry (which, if you know me, you know how much I LOVE laundry). More little socks and little shoes that seem to wind up in the most ridiculous of places. More diapers - oh my. More bottles and bags of breast milk. More passys. More baths. More coffee (due to the less sleep). More debates about vaccinations and my beloved Babywise. More kisses. More firsts. More giggles. More hugs. More memories. All for the last time. Yes, I think this is our last baby. But, then again... never say no more.
This pregnancy has been different. A1 was Brand New. The first of everything and so exciting. Husband was at nearly all the doctor's appointments, and the nursery was completed a full three months before she arrived. I marveled at every moment and wasn't terribly upset when the first little reddish-silverish line appeared on my belly. A1 taught me how to be a Mommy.
A2 was the most awesome pregnancy of all. She was sort of planned. We'd been through it so the unknown wasn't so scary. A1 taught us how to be parents, so we weren't nervous about that. Husband was at most of the doctor's appointments. She was sort of calm, and I felt connected to her right away. We weren't doing any other major life changing - like moving or switching jobs. She just sort of floated her way into our lives and into a beautiful nursery that I loved! A2 taught me how to appreciate being a Mommy.
A3 (yep, another A name) has been the most stressful - not because of her at all, but because of life and they way it has gone while she has been growing. We moved, we started new jobs, the girls started daycare, money has gotten Tight, and I am feeling Old since turning 30. We've had the stomach flu a few times, and my older girls are cRaZy at this age. Husband has only been to a few doctor's appointments. I feel guilty and like I haven't given her the serenity that the other two had. She has been good to me though. No puking. No major, over the top exhaustion. No high blood pressure or over-swelling. Just slight galloping around as if she is saying, "Hey Mommy, don't forget about me in here." But she is due in six weeks and we barely have cleaned out a space for her.
All this makes me wonder how I keep three girls, all so close in age, from becoming sort of one girl blob. How do we form a cohesive family while spotlighting each one's glory and uniqueness? How do we love each one thoroughly so that no one feels like the others are more special? How do I, the Mommy, not lose myself in the process of molding three women?
Ah, the ponderance of life's toughest questions. Where are all the little old ladies to give this wonderful advice? Stuck in nursing homes? Maybe that is where I should go to find the answers. The words of John Mayer's "Daughter" (not really sure of the Real title) song keeps dancing around my boggled brain. I wonder if I can find a daughters play list on Pandora that will make me cry the whole way home. At least it might make me appreciate an evening spent with a bouncing belly, a clumsy, blue-eyed beauty, and a gloriously spunky preschooler a little more, especially since the Hubby is working late.
Now, off to try to beat the traffic outta downtown. Toodles.