Thursday, December 2, 2010

Being married is better than being single. It's true.

The other morning, while he was in the shower and I was brushing my teeth, I asked my husband if he felt there were any topics I should not blog about. Like most, I have people in my life who view things differently than I do and will probably be offended in some way by something I write - assuming anyone reads these brain farts (wait, that is a bad word) - poots, brain poots. Anyway, he thought for a moment and said something along the lines of, "A part of me wants to say yes, but, No, you should write about everything. Good writing doesn't reflect political correctness." Or something like that. I then told him that writing about having, um, Relations, with him gets his big sister all flustered, and we laughed about what she would do if I wrote a whole post about that. Don't worry Big Sis, I won't do that to you. At least not for a while. :)

I hope he meant what he said.

In the news lately, and by news I mean,, and - you know, the Really Important news - there has been report after report of our beloved celebrities divorcing. C'mon, tell me you didn't let out a tear, an "Oh no, Really," or at least an exasperated sign when you learned that Courtney and David were breaking up! You know you did. As one report after another rolls in - Christina and her what's-his-name dj/producer man, Eva and Tony, Sandra and Jessie-the-POS, and I am still miffed about John and Kate (sorry, I am) - I can't help but think about my own marriage. Aware, I am, that Husband and I are not celebrities and so we aren't burdened with money, fans, cameras, and all that pressure to be thin, but we are married. So, in at least one way, I actually am like Sara Jessica Parker - we both have a husband. At some level all married people get married for similar reasons. I hope that at the basis of most of them is love. And that I do know about.

Which brings me to my point that being married is better than being single. But, only if you are for real about it. A marriage jammed up with manipulation and hiding-froms, isn't a marriage. It's hell. But I am not a counselor or an expert of any kind, so I am not tryin' to get on a slippery, half-crushed soap box here. I'm just sayin', being married is better than being single. Not all marriages are the same. Some suck. Some should have never been. Some started out for real and the partners lost their way. True Marriage rocks. Having a husband rocks. Even when it is hard. But if you're thick-headed, marriage is hard! Don't get into it thinking that the after-the-wedding is one long ride into the sunset. The sun eventually sets on the fairytale and Real life sets in. So, like a job, or a hobby, you gotta work on it. Everyday. And not be afraid to admit that you're an f-ing moron sometimes and that you are Wrong A Lot of the time. And girls, you can't expect to have the dream marriage if you have a "headache" every time he tries to baby you. You promised to have and to hold, didn't you... Wait, I think I almost have a foot On the soapbox, so I'll move on.

I love being married. Even though lately, we've been sort of swimming, trudging, trucking, and limping through some trying times. We have been idiots. We did what we know we should Never do. We have been taking life's pot holes and piles of manure out on each other rather than relying on each other for the support to make it over and out of them. And it has been rough. Rougher than I think we have ever been through. Then again, I am eight months pregnant and very tired and have a very short emotional fuse. But he has always been my support system and since the problems have been with him, I haven't been able to use him as my sounding board, and our bellicose behavior has left us feeling adrift. But even through this, the thought of leaving seems absurd to me. Not only would that leave me single with a four year old, a two year old, and a newborn (which in turn would have me headin' straight for the nut house), and leave my children without their daddy-idol, it would leave me without my anchor. Now, don't get me wrong, even God makes exceptions for divorce. You can't cheat or abuse each other or the deal's off. But it seems that so many people just throw their hands up and abandon ship because the water gets a little choppy. Even if you need binoculars to see that the other side is out there, you gotta believe that it is out there. When you're broke and everything's a mess, you gotta try to see the goodness in what you have. That's what I keep telling myself.

We have been together since we were children. We became adults as a couple. And sometimes, I look at him and wonder if we are growing up together in the same direction - if that makes sense. Then I punch myself in the face and remember that I have to keep learning about him. Keep asking questions and courting him so I can learn about this man that he is turning into. The one with white hair on the sides of his head and in his beard. I'm smiling now as I think about how strange it is to see my man, my still-16-year-old boyfriend, with some white hair coming in. The craziest part is that I like it. It is charming and sophisticated. And I love him.

Now, just for fun, here is why I like being married and why my husband Rocks. No cliches here, just the truth about the man I love.

1. I never need an electric blanket. He radiates body heat of about 7,000 degrees.

2. I don't have to carry in the groceries.

3. He doesn't really care if I didn't shave - as long as my leg hair isn't longer than his.

4. He loves to hear me laugh and looks for things that will make me laugh.

5. He tells me I look cute, not always just pretty.

6. He tells me I don't smell good when I don't.

7. He says, "Tell me what I can do for you, Babe."

8. I get a giggle when he wanders around - and he does all the time, just wanders around.

9. He DVRs things he thinks I'd like to see.

10. He loves holidays.

11. He is cool with "Let's just have cereal tonight" dinners.

12. He loves our sisters' and brothers' children like they are our own.

13. He cries when he sees something tender in what our daughters are doing.

14. He likes to get grown up haircuts.

15. My cooking is not good; his is great.

16. Sometimes, just cause he knows I like it, he will start the hot water in the shower so it is warmed up by the time I'm ready to get in.

17. I don't have to hold any one's hand at the movie theater, and I get to hold the popcorn. He understands and doesn't get offended.

18. I get told that I am smart at least once a week.

19. He takes my advice about what he should wear.

20. He rubs some part of my body nearly Every time he walks by (get those dirty thoughts out of your head - he often doesn't even realize he is doing it).

21. Relaxing after work doesn't have to include a bar and work friends.

22. He Loves his Mama! That love he has for her, transfers to me and his girls.

23. My husband wants to be a better man, knows enough to actually, like, work on it. He doesn't have to be told to grow up.

There is so much more, but this is getting lengthy, and I have a meeting to get to.